Desperate for Clarity

I wish I knew what the future had in store. I wish that the reward for hard work, dedication, and determination was everything falling into place. Sometimes and for some people, that is the case. For most, there is no tangible reward. The tunnel keeps on going and the light fades in and out. It's still there but unreachable, still a million miles away. The reward is in the process itself. It is in the journey to get where we hope and pray to be. It is character, godliness, and perseverance. It is in the daily surrender of our hopes, dreams, and fears to the Lord knowing that He holds the future, the final outcome of all our endless labour. That is the ideal, godly perspective of the neverending story, a perspective that I don't always have.

I should be happy that I was hired as a substitute for Surrey. Don't get me wrong, I totally am and I'm utterly grateful to the Lord for His provision. But as of late I've become worried with the status of my position. Will I work full time in the Fall (as I've heard TOCs in Surrey do)? Will a job posting open up that I am qualified to teach? If so, how will I know about it? How can I compete against a ton of other qualified teachers? Should I apply to other districts? (But I hate the interview process!) I've just recently discovered that the salary differs between districts, and Surrey is one of the lowest. My research has also revealed to me that beginning teachers get paid $10,000 more in Calgary than they do here, and max out with that same difference. On top of that, the cost of living isn't getting any lower here. To be honest, I never thought that I would be so preoccupied with how much I will get paid as a teacher. It was just never an issue with me. I always knew I wanted to be a teacher. I also knew that a teacher's salary wasn't all that great, but that never once deterred me. Not that it has now, but it has become a concern and I can't help but let it dictate where I apply for work, especially now that I'm married and hoping to start a family in the next few years. Calgary is always an option, but that depends on Dale's application to U of C for next September, which we won't find out until early next year.

So for now, I'm learning patience. Patience and trust in the Lord's plans for us. Blogging about this has helped me gather my thoughts and obtain some clarity. I don't want to be driven by financial security but by the leading of the Holy Spirit. I don't want my secular job to dictate my foremost calling in life, which is to be a light to the world, a reflection of Christ. I want the opposite. I don't want to lose sight of what matters: the process; the journey.

I've missed blogging. I'm glad to be back for a fresh start.
These babies make me happy =)