Oh wow. It's 2014!

Hi, old friend. The last time I wrote, 2013 was just beginning. Today, 2014 is well underway. It is cliche, but so undeniably true: time flies! Almost always it's ahead of us, up up and out of our reach; but those precious moments we cherish - by pausing and taking in with all that we are the sight and sounds and, most importantly, the people - somehow make time stand still, even for a second. It's formally Spring time in Calgary (I am on Spring Break) but old man winter just can't take a hint! The weather is dismal, depressing, and COLD. I find myself with time on my hands this afternoon not only because it's Spring Break but also because my dear hubby and daughter are away on trip to the United States to attend a wedding and a reunion. Why am I not with them? Long story short, I'm 34 weeks preggers and couldn't find travel insurance to cover me fully if I went into preterm labour. So, I am alone for a week in a quiet house and although I know many of you moms would tell me that is the greatest predicament to be in, I miss them so much. Maybe the weather has something to do with it, and also the fact that I only have a handful of weeks left with one child before another appears and life changes all over again. It's probably the hormones, too. Regardless, here I am, typing a post more than a year later.

Back to School...

Back to Reality.

Time waits for no one. It moves at its own determined pace; though predictably understood, I still sometimes wish it would pass slower during those enjoyable days and moments, or quicker during an experience I'd like to get over with. Still, it does as it pleases and January 14th comes (and will go, just like the past 356 days). Since our days are bound by time, that's the reality of life. I've accepted it, but just because I've accepted it doesn't mean I have to like the reality of it. Ha.

My full time work recommences tomorrow after a three week break. I'm looking forward to getting back to the grind with renewed perspective but also lamenting the time 'off' from my mind being 'on' all the time, ifyouknowwhati'mtalkinbout. I'm trying not to count the days until Teacher Convention and Spring Break, but praying that the Lord will give me passion, strength, and wisdom to teach, live, learn, worship, and witness with joy between now and then.

It's all making sense.

That's what I say when I (start to) see things clearly and with greater perspective. All of it - the good, the bad, the ugly - is to some greater end. And I may come to understand that end completely, somewhat, or may never understand it to my satisfaction. The "sense" in it all lies in both the humble acceptance of what was, what is, and what will be and in the quiet trust and surrender to God.

So, it's all making sense.

The life of The Miserable

Our little M spent New Years at her grandparents house so Dale and I were able to get some much missed shut eye for a night. It was grand. We slept in until 9:30 (which hasn't happened since M was born); but the beauty of it was the uninterruption. For the past 7 weeks we have had the crappiest sleep since she was a newborn, for different reasons obviously (teething, separation anxiety, etc). Every night she has woken up multiple times crying for us to sleep in her room with her, and every night she has not been able fall asleep unless we are in view. Thankfully, we have gone from lying on the floor beside her bed to sitting outside her bedroom. We had hoped the night "off" from us would break her streak of bad sleep. Nope. Nothing's changed. Dale is sitting outside her door as I type.

My anecdote has little to do with the title of my post (I am fortunate enough that my life has seen little to no misery thus far); only insofar as M's stay with my parents also allotted us a matinee showing of "Les Miserable." Firstly, if you haven't yet seen it, you should watch it. The acting is amazing and the melodies are awesome. Granted it's a musical and the players onscreen are foremost actors, but they do a pretty decent, if not superb, job at combining the two skillfully and convincingly. [Sidenote: Adam Lambert wouldn't have a chance!] But what I most appreciated was the storyline and dialogue (lyrics). If there's one thing to know about me, it's that I love stories that contain character depth; art that imitates the reality of life in the past or present and the inner conflicts that go along with life's struggle. I tried to imagine myself feeling the injustice and poverty felt by many of the characters, and the questioning of God's mercy amidst the pain and sorrow. Redemption and forgiveness, as well as war and revolution were well-developed themes that resonated with me throughout the film. Honestly, never have I appreciated the revolutionaries of the past who fought for a (seemingly at times, futile) cause that allows me today to experience freedom in the country I live in. November 11th has become more meaningful, thanks to this film. Anyhow, obviously the calibre of singing wasn't broadway, but for what it was it was impressive. Russell Crowe was a disappointing Javert, but otherwise I was blown away.

Again, if you haven't yet seen it make sure to put it on your list of films to watch.

Less of Me in 2013

This year's (or more accurately, if I think about it, my life from this point on's) resolve, which I plan to take one day at a time considering the longevity of this task, is to decrease and allow Christ in me to increase. Why the increase of Christ in me and not more virtuous behavior, you ask? Because simply trying to be more kind or more generous or more loving won't stick for very long if the source of that virtue is merely my human goodness. I've tried. And have seen my pride get in the way time and again. The return of Jesus, or God taking me home, is imminent and can occur at any moment. It's time for a radical change. And a passionate, unsettling, zealous commitment to make "less of me" a reality this year, by God's grace and only through the Spirit's might.

Hold me to it, friends. I hope and pray that by the end of 2013, my life would have been an increasing testament to the kingship of Jesus Christ: the Creator and sustainer of all life, my Savior and God.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas has always been the most wonderful time of the year for me, for a few different reasons:

1) The perks of being a teacher include holiday breaks.
2) The food, holiday drinks, and baked goods that readily come this time of the year.
3) I don't feel guilty of wasting time if I watch two or three Christmas themed films. In a row.
4) Spending time with family.
5) Receiving Christmas greeting cards in the mail.
6) Receiving Christmas gifts. And giving them, too ;)
7) Festive house decorations.
8) The anticipation of a new year approaching.

The last one on the list is both wonderful and daunting at the same time. For some reason, I usually get anxious around New Years Day. It's such an ironic and unsettling feeling to experience shortly after Christmas. I don't know if it's because I start thinking about going back to work and all the planning I have to do, or if it's the realization that I'll be adding another year to my life, or if its the fear of not knowing what the new year is going to unveil. I can't quite put my finger on it. Regardless, while this time of the year is wonderful for many different reasons, it also brings about some stark realities and reminders about life, love, and lessons learned and in need of being relearned. Which I guess can be called wonderful because it helps to make me a better person, Child of God, wife, mother, friend, sister, teacher, fellow human being.

I will share some of these stark realities as I take up my blog yet again.

For now, cheers to the wonderment of another year end and a new year beginning!

Blog Series: The Faith-filled Life of the Righteous

Anecdote No. 6: Deserving Justice, Receiving Mercy

I recently watched a segment on Dr. Phil about the horrific acts of a father and mother towards their daughter. The atrocious injustices experienced by this now eighteen year old girl left me speechless at the sinfulness of humanity and the evil that lurks behind closed doors and within families. The father raped his daughter over the span of five years. She was pulled from school and locked in the camper of a truck where she was held against her will. Over that span of time she gave birth to four of his biological children. One child survived, two died of negligence, and one was stillborn. The mother knew of the abuse and did nothing to protect her daughter. She was finally rescued when her younger sister, amidst murderous threats from their father, spoke out and informed the police of what was going on in their home.

This is just one of the countless stories of horrific abuse, violence, terror that flood the media on a daily basis. As I watched this girl tell her story publicly for the first time since she was rescued, I couldn’t help but ask God why this terrible thing happened to an innocent child. For the Christian who believes wholeheartedly in the sovereignty of God over all life, questions such as these are hard to ask. They are even more difficult to try to answer.

My delve into R.C. Sproul’s writing has unveiled an unprecedented glimpse of God’s holiness and God’s mercy. I feel like I’ve only just begun to truly understand the gravity of depravity that pervades the human existence. The Bible essentially reveals that no part of humanity has been unaffected by the Fall. No one has an ounce of righteousness. No one even desires to seek God, much less actually seek Him. Granted, we know of people who seek (and perhaps even we ourselves) the benefits that knowing God gives such as peace, purpose, selflessness, and the like. But ultimately, we don’t seek to know God. To be fair, we can’t even if we wanted to. But the catch is that we, guided by our sinful human nature and inclinations, don’t want anything to do with a Holy God. As Sproul writes in “The Holiness of God”:

“The struggle we have with a holy God is rooted in the conflict between God’s righteousness and our unrighteousness. He is just, and we are unjust. This tension creates fear, hostility, and anger within us toward God. The unjust person does not desire the company of a just judge. We become fugitives, fleeing from the presence of One whose glory can blind us and whose justice can condemn us. We are at war with Him unless or until we are justified. Only the justified person can be comfortable in the presence of a holy God.”

But

God justifies. God justified. Romans 5:1 says “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.”

Wow. Peace with God. Justified through faith and now standing in grace. I should add (from Ephesians 2:8-9), it’s by God’s grace that we are given the faith to believe what He says about who we are, who He is, and what Christ has completed on the cross. Without truly attempting to understand (by His grace, of course) that my salvation is entirely dependent upon God’s grace and mercy and not upon anything I have done (even in “choosing” Christ – this is inaccurate because I didn’t choose Him! He chose me!), I had never truly appreciated and truly awed at the grace of God towards me. This revelation has me awestruck at God and His mercy, His love, His wisdom.

So, what remains is the connection between all this and my initial words on evil and innocence. I believe that God is sovereign over all, even over the evil desires within a person’s heart. He is sovereign over free will (the strongest inclinations we have at each moment which directs our choices) and although we may struggle, as I have and do, with this notion, His divine counsel uses the evil inclinations and evil intentions of sinful people to bring about His own redemptive purposes. It’s easy to call God “unjust” when He allows people to continue in their free-will-driven-joy-ride of sin, when in fact it is justice that prevails. God has mercy on whom He will have mercy. The rest receive justice (Romans 9:14-16). Believe it or not, we are already condemned to a life of spiritual death because of the sin in us. Our choices always lead us to gratify the desires of our sin nature. Until and unless God so chooses to have mercy on us.

Friend, it’s a hard truth to grasp, yes. But for those who have been made righteous, it is truth that changes, or should change, the way we live and pray and interact with God and others in this life. Stories are still being written and God’s mercy still pursues. The "unless" still remains on the rest of creation, according to God's divine wisdom. Persistence in intercessory prayer and pleading don't go unnoticed (recall the widow's story in Luke 18) - God is merciful. Let us press on to acknowledge Him.

“I will call them ‘my people’ who are not my people; and I will call her ‘my loved one’ who is not my loved one...unless the Lord Almighty had left us descendants, we would have become like Sodom, we would have been like Gomorrah.” (Romans 9:25, 29).