Blogging just hasn't been the same since I left xanga. Maybe it's xanga (the history we have, the blogging community that once was but is now extinct) or maybe it's me, but I definitely miss those xangadays. To all you former xanga-iters, take a stroll down memory lane and maybe it'll be enough to re-ignite a passion for blogging that we all once had.

As I was scrolling through some of my old blogs (5 years worth!!!) I couldn't help but think about the "Deedee" back then and the "Deedee" now. The challenges that I face today have definitely changed from what they were 5 years ago, but it was of personal encouragement to read that in the midst of some of the biggest changes in my life, God remains the same. I was a bit jealous of my old self and the evident enthusiasm for life and Christ that seeped between the lines. Not that I'm not enthusiastic still, but I definitely had a vigor back then has seemed to have lost itself along the way. For no good reason, really, other than perhaps a slow descent into mediocrity and satisfaction with my 'Christianity.'

Well, God has dealt with my complacency in the past and He never fails to deal with it time and again, especially when I reach the end of my self (as I have done numerous times before -- darn humanity! Never learns.) Today was one of those days.

I will borrow from a previous blog I wrote back in 2006 because it pretty much sums me up right now:

So coming to the point of this whole blog, while we were driving home from Vancouver I started to cry. I don't cry often and when I do it usually has to do with my relationship with God, missing my family, my siblings, or an argument/frustration with Dale wherein it is my time of the month. Yesterday, however, it was weird. And this has occurred before. By this I mean me crying when nothing in particular has happened and no news has reached my ears. I didn't cry because I missed my family terribly, which is one of the big reasons why I think I would cry. I actually don't really know why I started crying but I know that my heart felt heavy. I thought about everything and nothing. I thought about life as it was, as it is, and as it will be. I thought about who I've become and where God has brought me so far. I thought about you, the people who have come across my life, and the people I have still yet to meet. I thought about life, and I thought about Christ. And then it all made sense. You know those times when everything just seems to click together and you see the whole picture? That's what happened last night. I saw the whole picture. And you know what I re-discovered? Christ is the sum. He is the beginning and the end. He was, is, and always will be. And I thought to myself, how have I been allowing Christ to reach his full measure in me?

Last night I resolved not to live a mediocre Christian life. I resolved not to be comfortable with "average" or the status quo. I resolved not to serve my God dispassionately and without the absolute conviction that He has called me and set me apart unto himself to do and to be in Christ. He has given me a joy beyond words, Christ in me. He has equipped me with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms, Christ in me. Christ in me. He is the Sum to which we cannot add or take away.

I both love and hate when God puts a clear picture in my mind of who I am and who He is: I love it because everything makes sense! It's all about Him. Life is all about Him. Christ lived, died, and rose again to help us see and believe that it's all about Him. And, when it comes down to it, nothing really matters more than that. I hate it because in making me re-realize this again and again, I have really no other option but to surrender. And we all know how hard surrendering can be. We build our fortresses, stake our 'claim to fame' (in whatever aspect that may be), do our bidding...only to be confronted with the realization that only in complete surrender do we truly live.

I hate being uncomfortable. But I'm learning that the Spirit thrives on uncomfortability - especially with the things of this world, with complacency, with mediocrity, with things that won't satisfy or aren't meant for me because I'm not meant for this world. Galatians tells us that the Spirit desires what is contrary to the sinful nature and the sinful nature what is contrary to the Spirit. There is an unsettledness deep down in my Spirit that I feel when I get too caught up in 'my' life.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day. It's comforting to know that the Lord disciplines those He loves. I'm thankful for the confrontation, the uncomfortability, and the unsettledness because I know He loves me!