Bumps

The other day I was in the library of a school I substituted in, trying to kill time on my prep. As I was browsing the bookshelves for a potentially interesting read, I came across a section of the shelf containing books about religion and myths. I've always had a bit of intrigue for books about world religions, myths and mythology, cults, etc. not because I was looking to be convinced (the Truth has already set me free) but more so because I wanted to know what people (both the writer and readers) find so convincing about them. Anyway, my eyes glossed over random titles until I came to one particular book: "God: An overview." I paused and thought to myself, how funny. Now the book itself when I picked it up was essentially about the history of the idea of "Gods and Goddesses" and how such an entity as "God" emerged as an idea. But the initial thought I had stemmed from the idea that someone endeavored to amateurly record (or contain) everything about God in one book. And the book wasn't even big or thick for that matter! Not that a dozen or even a hundred books could do justice. I suppose, though, that without having known God but simply knowing about him with a limited frame of reference, one could write a chapter book with a beginning and an end. Well, as human beings we are subject to a limited understanding of things, of God himself, because that is just the way it is. But just because we are limited does not mean that God is, and it doesn't change who He is. I'm thankful, though, that inspite of my humanity, God makes Himself, his ways, his plans, his desires, known to me through the Holy Spirit. And I have the opportunity to know Him instead of just know about Him.

It's been a while since I've blogged, I know. Sometimes its a matter of laziness, sometimes my internet connection doesn't work, hehe. Other times I just feel uninspired or just don't want to bother. Today, I feel like blogging. So here I am. The past couple of months (since the last time I blogged was in September) have been quite the journey. Work has been busy and although I enjoy it, lately I've been feeling like I want a day off. Or two. Or a week, hehe. Just kidding. I'm on call so I can decline a job if I so desire but because there's the risk of not getting called the next day and sacrificing income, I always accept the call. Even at 7 in the morning. In terms of stress level, it's definitely at a minimum, which is one of the perks of substitute teaching. No late night planning or endless marking. You're just in and out! For me the only downside is that it's difficult to build relationships with students you see one day and may never see again. Even though I enjoy TOCing now, I'm excited for the opportunity to have my own classroom and my own set of students to get to know and to help grow. Until a position opens in my subject area, however, I'm content.

My eyes have slowly been opening to the ignorance I never knew I had. And that is no easy thing to accept. Imagine being convinced of something for the longest time and then realizing that what you thought was right was not? Or rather, that what you thought was right was based on a limited perspective? God does not hold us accountable to what we do not know; but once He reveals these things to us we are accountable to God for how we allow what we have come to know change our mindset, perspective, and actions in this life. I've been wrestling with my unveiled, unacknowledged ignorance for the past few weeks. Perhaps it has been a struggle because my pride was hurt. I think whenever our pride is hurt in any situation, we become stubborn. We don't want to accept that we are wrong or have been narrow-minded. That itself is pride. But recognizing and admitting the pride in our thinking and in our actions is the first step towards humility. And I know that it is impossible to take any steps towards humility without asking God to help us humble ourselves and expose our pride to us. I praise the Lord for making things clear to me. It is not yet crystal clear but I know that as I yield to him each day and grow in the knowledge of Christ, it will be. "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." I am only beginning to fully grasp the meaning of these words of the apostle Paul. It is so amazing how much we allow guilt to play a role in our lives and drive us to do, or not do, things. Sometimes it is masked by so-called "desire" or "love" but when we truly examine our motivations or intentions, we see guilt at work. I have been praying that God would help me to truly see and believe that because I am in Christ, I am no longer condemned (in every possible understanding). I have also been praying that God would, as I continue to grow in my knowledge and love for Him, grow in me a compassionate and loving heart that is fueled by Christ's love for me and for people.

So overall, God has revealed much to me in the past month. And although, as I mentioned, I've been wrestling with some of it, I thank the Lord for His rebuke and for the love He has shown to me in exposing my pride.

The women at our church have begun a study series by Beth Moore entitled "Believing God: A Fresh Explosion of Faith" and I am excited to be challenged by it. The general focus is on the idea of believing God and not merely beliving in God. We had the first session last week and it has prompted me to think about what "promised land" God has uniquely created and destined for me. I enjoy Beth's teachings because she does a thorough exegesis of passages in the Old Testament and New Testament and challenges women to consider their unique relevance to us today. Bless you, Beth!

Anyway, I think that is all I can muster for today. Monday nights Dale and I volunteer for Special Olympics Surrey but I'm not feeling so hot so I may not go tonight. I wish it was Thursday so then I could watch the Office! I love the Office but I hate how its back to half hour episodes :( I was thoroughly enjoying the full hour of humor to the nth degree. But I've been enjoying Heroes even though the plot has been dragging a little. Enjoy your Monday night people!