Forward

I've had a restful two weeks of summer. I'm getting sad that the season is almost over. Thankfully not before we spend some time in Calgary and reunite with friends and family! I'm looking forward to our trip and hope it's not cut short, even for a job interview. Am I crazy or what? I'd rather spend time with family and see my old friends again than, if its absolutely required, fly back home to be interviewed for a potential full time job in the September. Which is, by the way, in less than 2 weeks!

Okay, let me clarify first. I got an email from my school advisor yesterday telling me that there was a potential position - Humanities/Socials/English - opening at the school that I did my practicum at, and that I should apply for it. She cc'd the email to the new principal of the school, which means that she had probably spoken to her beforehand and told her about me. Anyway, she told me to email the principal for details and so I did. I found out that the position would be posted on the district website today but it wasn't purely Humanities but Family Studies too! Anyway, I decided to apply for it even though I'm technically not qualified to teach Family Studies. I've heard that it's not too complicated a subject, but I know planning for it (and even Hum) will be a lot of work. My school advisor told me that she had told the principal of my teaching and classroom management skills so at least she knows a bit about my qualifications already. Plus, I'd be taking over for a teacher that I knew during my practicum who went on mat leave, so I could probably use her stuff. However, I don't know if I even stand a chance since my concentration is English; but one never knows does one? God is known for His surprises.

But, I'm not putting my hopes up, and to be honest they aren't really up. I don't feel like working crazy hard after I just finished school. I kinda just wanna relax and TOC for a bit, low-stress style. Go to work and come home, no planning or marking or phone calls home to parents. But I know that working full time would be beneficial to my career in the long run - I would be able to move up the ladder quicker heehee. I also don't want to come home early from Calgary! The school year starts on the 4th and we come home the day before! It is ridiculous how late into summer these positions open up! Honestly, how do they expect teachers, especially first year teachers, to prepare or feel prepared in one week, even less? I don't know. They probably think we are super-human. Sometimes, teachers are ;P

Ultimately, I am trusting in the Lord's plan. If it is His will for me to work full time, then I know my strength and wisdom will come from Him 'cause I know I can't do it on my own strength. If you remember, please pray for God's will in this situation. Muchas gracias!

On a side, and completely irrelevant, note: Does anyone know how to change the ring tone for text messages on a Blackberry?

Solitude

Sometimes, being alone is necessary, therapeutic even. I know that life is not meant to be lived in solitude, but there are times when you need it. Today is one of those times for me. I woke up this morning without much inclination to enjoy the day outside my home. Yesterday was a totally different story (especially since Dale didn't go to work). I was itching to go out, to do something, anything, but stay in and do nothing. In my mind, "doing something" meant going out and spending money or hanging out with friends. We had just spent the weekend at Family Camp with people and still I wasn't satisfied. I wasn't content to stay in. It was a beautiful day! I only have 3 weeks to enjoy summer before school (which is now work, hehe) starts, I whined. On a whim, we decided to go to the States. But on the way there, thanks to AM730, we found out people were waiting 2 hours to cross the border! Just our luck! So we headed back home. So yesterday didn't amount to much. But today has been a different story.

There are a million lame excuses we can give for not doing the things we should and ought to do. There are a million reasons why God should get fed up, but He doesn't. That attribute of his is definitely unfathomable. To the human mind, it makes no sense that one could put up with so much smack from a people who, with their mouth, are too quick to speak empty promises; too quick to utter praises to God and yet speak ill or hold a grudge against a brother. We are two-faced hypocrites, bred on a gospel that has us at the center instead of God. That God will forgive gives some the license they need to sin instead of the desire to hate sin because God is holy, because Christ suffered, because God is just. Sometimes when we read the Bible, we only see and hear what we want to see and hear. We close our minds to the "bad" but take in the good. If we confess our sins God faithful to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Yes, but that same verse tells us that God is just. He loves us and will forgive but he hates sin and will punish. And then we wonder why, even after we have confessed our sins, God apparently fails to answer our requests, however honorable and sincere. He, it seems, makes life all the more difficult than easy. How can we be so blind? How can we even think we deserve what He gives us? How can we be so disillusioned by the idea that we have earned blessing, love, forgiveness? We haven't! Nothing we have in Christ has been earned or deserved. Nothing.

This morning the Lord spoke to my heart. I have been a spoiled child and have forgotten to whom my life belongs. God has allowed trials and circumstances into my life only to be the Rock I cling to, the Refuge I hide beneath, the Strength and Wisdom I seek when the world goes awry (which it does time and time again). When I look elsewhere, I find confusion and anger, greed and pride. I've looked elsewhere many times only to find that I can't handle it. I'm not cut out for it. I'm not God. I need to stop pretending, and probably so do you.

It's been a good day so far. God meet us in our solitude when we desire to meet with Him :)