A tell-tale heart

It's sad, really, when one doesn't trust God's will enough to let it be, despite how uncomfortable it might make one feel. It's not only sad, it's pathetic. It's pathetic because although God is sovereign, one still feels that one has the responsibility to take matters into one's own hand for the sake of one's...pride? One's time? One's convenience? How many times has one asked the Lord for forgiveness, for deliverance, for direction but yet lack the conviction that forgiveness must bring (true repentance), the reverence that deliverance should wrought, and the courage to go in the direction chosen by God? We are too quick to ask the Lord for this and that, for change and renewal, for wisdom and insight, without realizing what we are asking and our part in the process. Yes, God changes. Yes, God renews. Yes, God gives wisdom and insight to those who ask. But are we letting Him, allowing Him, giving ourselves over to His power within us? Constantly? Daily? Moment by moment? If we ask God for wisdom yet find ourselves reading everything else but Scripture, wisdom will not come our way. If we plead for God to change our hearts yet spend no time meditating upon His Word, nor give ear to the Holy Spirit's voice of truth, change cannot occur. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

So, we find ourselves in a dilemma. Do we stop at a willing spirit, positive thinking (which is really a disguise for pride), and repeated confession and repentance, confession and repentance, wherein we essentially sin all the more so that God's grace may increase (because we know He is ever so gracious, kind, and compassionate)? Or do we finally go a step further - stop believing in the illusion of self-autonomy. We are not and can never be autonomous, if you really think about it. For an extreme example, you could die in an instant with no control over it. If anything, some of us are pseudo-autonomous; we hold ourselves in such high regard when in reality we are nothing but a speck of dust in this universe.

So, what remains is a question of the will. Whose will are you trusting? Yours or His?