Frustration

Note: Read previous post first.

I'm drained. I feel like I've exhausted all my efforts to help my sister. It's not that I'm giving up on her because I'm not. I'm not giving up on my faith in God's healing power either. And why would I when there is nothing else out there that is more capable of lifting her out of this dark hole? If not God, then who? That's right, no one and nothing. But I'm only human and frustration is a by product of humanity's unrewarded efforts. There is really nothing more that I can do but pray. I know that frustration will get me nowhere unless it's turned into a fervent, unceasing cry to the Lord for a miracle. Today she told me that she doesn't want to be prayed for, but I told her that didn't matter. I would still pray. She told me that she's not depressed (even though a couple of days ago she heartedly admitted she was) and that people just don't understand her. I told her that yes, she is depressed and that people don't appear to understand her because she doesn't believe they can. Talking to her demands so much out of me that lately I feel like what's the use? She probably doesn't listen to me anyway.

I thought we were making progress. She came out with me today, even though she initially didn't want to. I told her that if she stays with us, she has to do what we do with us. So she came. We helped assemble the pieces for Hannah and Reggie's invitations before attending the prayer meeting at the Ner's. She wanted to go home but I didn't let her because I don't like her being by herself, especially lately because of her "hopelessness" mentality. She didn't join us when I asked her to. I know that right now, going to God is the last thing she wants to do. Why? Because, as she's told me, she's tried that already and He never helped her. "So you're just giving up on Him?" I asked her. "Yeah," she replied. She may have given up on Him, as she claims, but I'm holding on to Him for her. I've tried to encourage her by reading the Word to her, praying with her and for her, talking about God in my own life and in the lives of others, reassuring her that God is sovereign and loving towards all He has made, and just trying to make her laugh and see the good things about life and herself. I don't know if I've helped her at all, but I don't want to stop trying.